So I’ve put up my first post and showed it to my friends and family, still waiting on anonymous questions and comments though!  It sparked a lot of interesting conversations I wouldn’t have normally had and people seem to be in agreeance with the state of our unfounded sexuality.  Like I’ve said before, seriously, it’s all okay!

If you think you’re weird for liking a certain thing or finding something sexy that is against the norm, congratulations, chances are you share this interest or “fetish” with thousands of other people.   Remember Rule 34 of the Internet:  If it exists, there is porn of it and a whole community dedicated to worshiping that particular thing.  I’ve always said that if you are sexually attracted to staplers, there is probably a porn site dedicated to it. I didn’t want to put some unproven facts on here, so I searched “sexy staplers” and “stapler porn” and guess what? There’s freaking stapler porn!   Though it’s slightly more gruesome than I had originally envisioned.  Perhaps I too am a tad naive.

The point is, you shouldn’t feel alone or weird when it comes to what you find sexy.  We are programmed to feel shame immediately after orgasm, and that is so detrimental to our emotional health.  You know what’s great for our physical, mental and emotional heath, though?  Orgasms!  There are many proven health benefits for men and women when it comes to orgasms.  The rush of endorphins, lower risk of prostate cancer, getting in touch with oneself, these are all good things!

What methods you use to achieve this goal (like my original post states, as long as it is safe and consensual), are just fine!  I know that our society has gotten carried away with porn and it can pose a risk to the way we interact with each other, and more so for the younger generation with the super saturation of sexuality, but we’ll save that for a later post.  For now, I want to help you get comfortable with you and with each other.  I believe that if the stigma regarding sexuality is lifted, then we will have a much better time expressing ourselves to each other and this negative social downturn regarding the way that we view porn in contrast with the way we view each other, could be remedied.

In going with being more comfortable with each other, I have to admit that my favourite part in a relationship is after the initial, “oh my god, sex is great, let’s do all the “regular stuff” because we’re not comfortable enough to explore with each other yet” phase is over.   After the first little while, it could be a couple of weeks, could be a couple of months, could even be the first time you have sex, it all depends on how well you and your partner communicate, but eventually we all go, “well, what now?”  This is the best part! Where you get to tell each other all (or some and save the rest for later) of your fantasies and you get to start doing the fun stuff.   I know that a lot of couples and some never got to this part and instead they hit the wall.  They never felt it was right to explore and it frustrated one or both parties, and sometimes this lead to them exploring outside of the relationship.   With one couple, she had a very particular fetish, she never told her husband and when someone else came along who willingly divulged that he was also into this particular thing, she went for him.  She never knew that if she told her husband of her fetish (which, of course, she did when it all came out after the fact ), that he would have been totally down to do this with her.

Again, with a dialogue and willingness to share in an open and positive space, things could have been better.  If it helps, she and the other guy broke it off and she’s now back with her husband; and from what she tells me, their sex life has taken off since they started really exploring together.  He loves her fetish and he had a few that she finds perfect as well.  Honestly, what is being in a relationship if you can’t fully be yourself and be completely open and honest with each other?  That’s where the fun lies, the real, unabashed, down and dirty you meets the equally real, different and willing them.  And then, magic!

Sometimes you can’t even get there if you don’t know yourself.  You need to find you first, and then you can introduce you to others.  However, sometimes it takes someone else to help you find the real you too.  It’s all incredible and there are no rules.  It can be fantastic if you just let it. Free yourself from the chains that have been brandished upon us from such a young age.  Explore your body, explore your mind.  Find what makes you tick and be proud of it, listen to your partners with openness and non-judgement, you never know, they may introduce you to your next favourite thing.

Until next time, leave your comments, email me questions, I’m still looking forward to opening up a full conversation with you!