I think it’s about time we stop using sex and sexuality to shame each other.  I’ve been trying to understand through my whole life why enjoying sex and having sex with people is viewed so negatively in the eyes of society or why it is viewed as something to be made fun of in a woman.  I know they have that whole, “if a key opens multiple locks, it’s a master key, but if a lock opens to any key, then it’s a…slut…or something”, but that’s just dumb.  I’m not even going to go into feminism here because sex should be freely enjoyed by all those who want to have it and I don’t know why it is the woman’s responsibility to be the gate keeper to sex.  The protector of her “respectfulness”

I tend to do a lot of social experiments, just seeing how people react to certain things and, “if I do this, then what will happen” and lately I’ve been trying to figure out the correlation between sex and respect.  I’ve spoken to men on the subject and there is apparently something about having sex with a woman for the first time that diminishes the respect they have for that woman.  When all that both partners want is sex anyway, and after they have sex the first time, they can have sex all they want and it’s fine, but it’s that crucial first time that’s the clincher between respect and slut.  So…even though I’m on a date with a man and I want to have sex with him and he wants to have sex with me, I have to refuse long enough to prove that I’m…I don’t know? Worthy? Of his penis? Of his love? Yuck.  I have to save him from himself because he’s not smart enough to view me as a person if I have sex with him? Seriously, what the fuck?

I said it in my first posts and I’ll say it again.  Sex. Is. Natural. Sex is beautiful if shared between two consenting adults.  It shouldn’t be used as a weapon to shame one another.  I talked to a friend of mine on the topic.  He’s been dating his girlfriend for three years and they are very much in love.  He told me that on their third or fourth date, he was over at her place and they were drinking and things were getting hot and heavy and she suggested that he probably shouldn’t drive and should just stay over, but that she wanted to not have sex.  So they slept in the same bed, didn’t have sex for the first time that night but then had sex 2 days later.  He said that if she had slept with him that night, he probably would have broken up with her.  Which just about breaks my heart because this is the woman that he has been in love with for the last 3 years that he would have broken up with and it was the difference between sex on a Friday and sex on a Sunday that solidified his respect for her.

I’ve been pretty lucky myself, because I tend to date like-minded people who will continue to date me after I sleep with them, regardless of when that is.  But, I have gauged a few people as less intelligent than myself and refrained from sleeping with them because regardless of their level of intelligence, I thought it would be a good idea to date them anyway (those are the ones don’t seem to work out, by the way).  So, I felt that I had to save them from themselves and not give in to them asking for sex for a little while.  After waiting whatever the appropriate amount of time may be, we engaged in our sexual activities and I asked about whether they would have respected me if I had slept with them right away.  They said probably not.  I asked why.  They absolutely couldn’t answer that question.  I was mostly met with, “well, uhh, you know”.  If they did come up with something flimsy, there was a very easy rebuttal.  “It shows you’re easy”, “didn’t you want to have sex with me?” “Well yeah, but” “Then you’re easy too, should you have my respect?” “Of course I should have your respect!” “Then why don’t I get yours after we have sex” and back to “Well, uhh, you know”.

Why do we still view women who have sex freely as having low self esteem or low self worth or no self respect?  What do those things have to do with sex in the first place?  Some men will say that they love the chase, they enjoy the game.  Hi, I’m a human being, not a game.  It’s not up to me to make pursuing me “fun” or “challenging”.  I want to just fall into your arms and stay there.  Don’t make me be a different person for the first few weeks of our relationship to trick you into liking me.  There will not be 2 week interludes between our sexual adventures, I will not make you work for it every single time.  We’re going to to work together to make it awesome and that’s how it’s going to be, from the first time to the last time.  Don’t make me out to be a terrible person if I don’t “put up a fight” the first time…which is also a fucking weird concept.   Since when am I a puzzle? Why do I have to make complex riddles and puzzles to keep you entertained?  And it is really just the first time.  I’ve never had a partner complain that we have too much sex throughout our relationship or too often, but it’s that first time where I just can’t be myself.  I have to wait.  Again, I say as long as it’s safe and consensual, have at er.  If they don’t respect you after, they are clearly not meant for you anyway.

And, as always, if that’s just how you feel, if you only respect a woman after she waits the customary amount of time to sleep with you, then okay, that’s your prerogative.  I just think it’s cruel to be disrespectful based solely on sexual actions.  Sex is empowering and should not be used to bring someone else down.  I don’t have sex with people because I have low self esteem or because I have no self respect.  I do it because I enjoy it.  The notion we’re fed through the media that, women who have multiple partners or who “sleep around” only do so to fill some void in her life that only husbands and children can fill is outdated and ludicrous.  Some of us are just enjoying this ride at this time in this society where we can be our true selves and enjoy what we truly love and who we truly love.  Well, we’re getting closer anyway.

By doing away with this old and archaic idea that women need to be the ones to withhold sex in order to gain your respect, we can only grow as a society.  Now, I’m not saying that if you’re only comfortable having sex after a certain time that you’ve gotta stop that, I’m just saying, communicate with your partner.  Tell them you want to wait, you want to know them better, you want to eventually, but it’s not a game.  It’s whenever you’re ready. Discuss your needs first.  If you’re totally going for it on the first date and you want it to be something more than a one-night stand, communicate that too.  “I’d like to engage with you physically, but it would be great if we could continue after tonight, are you just in it for this evening or do you want something more?” It’s totally okay to ask these things (and hopefully you get an honest answer in return).  I’m not saying that every person that you sleep with with grant you unwavering respect, I’m just trying to fight the notion that I’m a prize to be won, someone to fool into sleeping with you.  I’ll do it when I want to and your opinion of me has very little to do with that decision.

Be okay, folks. However you feel is fine.  Please don’t belittle each other.  Please don’t think less of women who enjoy sex.  Woman are human beings and we have the same levels of sexuality you have.  Let us wield it too 😉

Have fun out there!

We currently live in a very different time.  We no longer marry our high school sweethearts and stay monogamous our whole lives (most of us anyway).  We get to navigate complicated mazes of emotions and many many different types of relationships.   Sex isn’t something that we necessarily have to wait for anymore, it’s actually rare to find people who are “waiting for marriage”.  For most, once they lose their virginity, in which case it’s generally a good practice to wait for “someone special”, but it’s all fair game after that.

However, some people have different tolerances when it comes to emotions and sex.  And, as always, every single way that you feel is normal.  If you want to wait 3 dates to have sex with someone new, or wait a year, or even have sex within the first day or even hour of meeting someone, that is totally your prerogative.  And I wanted to talk a bit about that today.

The reason that this all came up was in talking to a friend of mine, we’ll call her Meg.  She and her husband, Mike, have been together for nearly 20 years, have a bunch of kids and are very much in love.  Like most modern couples, they have discussed their needs and sexuality and as it turns out, Meg seeks relationships with other men outside of her marriage.  Mike is okay with this as he is involved in all of the meet and greets and knows the other partners and potential partners well.

Where Meg differs from a majority of the other couples out there seeking extra-marital relationships (whether known or unknown to their current partner), is that Meg wants full, loving relationships with other partners, not just hookups, one night stands, or play partners.  This has been increasingly difficult for her to find. She currently has one partner, whom she has been with for about 2 years, we’ll call him Chris.  Meg, Mike and Chris have known each other for close to a decade and all used to play together, but it has since gone more to being just Meg and Chris.  However, Meg never felt that Chris has fully committed to this relationship, so while they have done a lot of exploring, they’ve never engaged in sexual intercourse, as this is something that Meg has reserved just for those she truly truly loves.

Meg feels as though Chris may never be worthy of her love and therefore, they may never actually go through with having sex, so Meg has been looking for her ideal relationship elsewhere.  She has found this to be endlessly challenging, as most people in the places she is looking (like online dating sites, Craigslist, Fetlife, etc.) are only out to “get laid”.  If she does find someone that she can build a relationship with, usually the fact that she is married deters them at some point, because these people also want to find someone to love, but they prefer exclusivity.  All of which is fine, it’s just a tough for Meg and Mike in this type of relationship.  However, they keep looking and Meg sticks to her guns on what she wants and that is what is important to her, to which I say kudos!

So, while there is no one way to live, whether you’re like Meg who needs to have full trust and full love before engaging in sexual activity, or whether emotions play little or no part in your sexuality, or literally anywhere in between, it’s all a good way to live.  All you have to do is be true to yourself.  If it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it.  If you don’t trust a situation, trust your instincts above all else.  If the people you are with are good people, they will understand.

Unfortunately, sometimes it happens that you can love a person and there is no sexual connection, this is a very real possibility.  Depending on your tendencies towards sex and intimacy, this could play a huge role in your relationship.  Some people are stoked that they found someone to love and stick with it anyway, hopefully they can work on it and the sexual connection forms over time.  However, some people (myself included) prefer partners, long term or short term, where every bit is there: trust, interest, respect, some level of emotional connection or the possibility of the relationship moving toward that state, and of course, sexual compatibility.

I know some people may curse me for not being with someone seemingly perfect because of sexual incompatibility right off the bat, but that’s just what I want.  I’m picky.  I like that I’m that way, too.  As much as I have had one night stands in the past, which were fun and all, it’s not ideal to me.  I like learning about a partner, talking with a partner, telling them about me, I like the emotional connection and understanding.  I like the butterflies and the electricity of the first time.  It’s not really supposed to be awkward the first time, it’s supposed to be fun and awesome.  I don’t need to be in love with someone to engage in intimacy, but I like knowing that it could get there and that we are at least experiencing some form of emotional connection.  It’s just what I like.  I believe this to be the middle ground on this love/sex spectrum…The Sextrum! (patent pending)

Now, the other end of the spectrum (Sextrum) is the anonymity or emotionally null side.  Where I’m sure most every intimate partnership, however brief or long, share some form of feelings or emotions for each other, sometimes full out love or the possibility of it getting to the love stage, just isn’t necessary.  Take my friend Jo for example, she absolutely does not want a committed relationship.  She has relationships with people in varying degrees, but the idea of the monogamous, white picket fence, lovey dovey, typical couple thing just never appealed to her.  She has dated people, often for years, but she keeps them at arms length and prefers to keep it platonically sexual.  She has friends for actually going out and doing stuff with and would rather avoid the hassle of a full time significant other or others.

Or you can enjoy straight up anonymous sex, which is actually gaining in popularity!  Or maybe it’s just more widely known about now due to the internet and such.  Things like bathhouses, glory holes, prostitution, swingers parties, sex parties, Tinder hookups, even one night stands to a degree.  Sure not all of these are fully anonymous all the time, but the fact that they exist and we hear about them more mean that there are a lot of people who absolutely do not need any sort of love to engage in sexual activity.

My point here is that, while we’re still force fed images, stories and ideals of the perfect man-woman, monogamous, happy, soul mate coupley relationship, it’s just not the reality anymore.  Sure, some of us look for that, and have a lot of fun along the way.  Some people even find it and if that’s what they want, then good on em! Some people purposely avoid finding anything like that.  And some people are pretty much fed up with that image and ideal being the only thing that is socially acceptable.  Most people, even the ones that find their soul mate, just don’t fit that mold, and that’s why this is an incredibly awesome time to be alive.  We can be exactly us, want exactly what we want, make that known, not compromise ourselves in any way, shape or form, and still be pretty damn happy.

Stay safe out there friends, whatever you’re looking for.  Just be honest with yourself and your partners and you’ll get what you like eventually 🙂

Hey everyone, it’s been a while since I’ve posted, so I figured I’d come back with a bang (wink) and delve right into the mysteries of the female orgasm.

Now, I’m not going to sugarcoat it, it’s downright difficult for women to orgasm, at least in comparison to men and mostly in the presence of a partner.  I’m speaking purely in generalities here as I know that there are some men that have difficulty achieving orgasm and some women who have no trouble reaching their pique, even just simply with penetration.

I would like, instead, to speak to the women who see movies and read stories where women achieve orgasm like nothing, just by the super hot stud thrusting on top of her.  Good news, ladies, this isn’t entirely reality.  Most women actually require a lot of additional attention before, during and/or after sex in order to have an orgasm.  There are a multitude of ways to do this and it’s just finding which ones work for you.

Of course, masturbation is essential to every human’s relationship with themselves.  If you don’t masturbate and have no qualms about that, then all the power to you, but personally, I think it’s a huge part to understanding yourself and what you need with a partner.  It’s been an incredible journey to see how my tastes and fetishes have evolved over the years into what they are now and how I communicate them to partners in order to meet my needs.  I’ll tell you about them someday, don’t worry.

Luckily for women, we have cheat codes when it comes to masturbation.  Sure guys can use their hands, lube, pocket vaginas and more to reach orgasm, but we get to use super crazy technology and provide ourselves clitoral stimulation that isn’t even remotely possible with just fingers or a tongue.  I had a partner tell me once that the reason I couldn’t reach orgasm when they used their tongue, fingers or penis is because I use a vibrator.  I call unbelievable bull shit on that statement.  Number 1, I can bring myself to orgasm with my fingers no problem, and Number 2, I have achieved orgasm with other partners (assisted by me every time, mind you), so maybe you’re just not doing what I like and leave my vibrator use alone, thank you very much!

So, if you’re a woman like me, who for the longest time thought that it wasn’t going to happen, that faked tons of orgasms just so that her partners wouldn’t feel bad and didn’t understand that it’s okay to ask for what she wanted in sex, please read on.

One of the things that I’ve learned about myself is that I do need to be comfortable in a situation in order to reach orgasm.  Even if a new partner is doing everything I ask and doing it well, sometimes the pressure is just too much.  Same thing happens to men every so often.  It has nothing to do with the partner or that anything has gone wrong, it’s just kind of like stage fright.  When you’re with a partner for a long time, you may not care as much that they are putting in tons of work and that it is taking a while, you’re gonna get yours too, dammit!

Another thing I’ve learned is that I, not unlike a huge majority of women out there, cannot orgasm from penetration alone. Like ever. Penetration feels great, I love the emotional connection and intimacy or the fun, fast craziness that intercourse brings (whatever floats your boat), but it’s never brought me to orgasm.  I absolutely require clitoral stimulation.  In the past (30+ years ago), this was thought of as “immature” or just generally frowned upon, but times are changing and people are talking.  It’s now totally acceptable for you or your partner to provide clitoral stimulation before, during and/or after intercourse in order to orgasm.  Or, you know, whatever you and your partner do that’s not intercourse, it’s just easier to say that to refer to your sexual session as a whole.

So, part of this external stimulation can be from fingers, but it can also absolutely come from toys.  Hopefully your partner is okay with bringing toys into the bedroom, as I do know some men that are intimidated and can also be hurt at the fact that you need “something else to get the job done”. Please just explain that male and female bodies are very different and all female bodies are different too.  Just because something worked with one partner, does not mean it will work with you.  It’s all about patience and just finding out what works.  Sometimes your fetishes actually cross paths with your partners and it’s absolute, perfect harmony.  You just have to open up and talk about what you both like.

Okay, back to toys! So, first off, vibrators are your friend when trying to achieve clitoral orgasm with a partner. Vibrators can be used during intercourse in a multitude of positions.  Sometimes they can get in the way, but there are a few killer positions that are perfect when using a vibrator, like reverse cowgirl, missionary where the one on top is on their knees, or a type of spooning, where the woman is on her back with her legs over top of her partner’s.  And remember, sometimes it takes time! Even though when you’re by yourself it only takes a few minutes with a vibrator, sometimes when you’re in the heat of the moment with someone else, it can take an incredible amount of time.  Just be patient!  Discuss with your partner what you want and that it may take a half hour, or even an hour.  The right partners will understand and sometimes when you hear your partner agree to waiting that long for you to orgasm, it takes some of the pressure away and you can just enjoy instead of trying your hardest to cum, maybe even edge yourself a bit.  There’s also nothing wrong with an anal plug or any other form of anal toy being used as well, and again, before, during and/or after intercourse.  You never know unless you try!

The use of tongues, fingers and toys as foreplay is also an amazing tool. Women require a lot more “buttering up” so to speak and there’s no way of paying too much attention to a woman.  It’s always okay to sit and talk for a while before or after sex if you plan on sticking with that partner for more than just the once, and talking about what they like, what they don’t like, what they want to try, what they are uncomfortable doing.  It’s actually a very freeing conversation when you can be totally honest with your partner about exactly what you need.  It is also crucial to talk during sex, to say, “a little higher”, “a little less pressure”, “I need your fingers inside me”, “tweak my nipples”, “make more noise”, “touch my ass” (and this is for both partners).

One thing I sometimes have to do is wait until afterwards.  Sometimes it just doesn’t happen during intercourse and my partner finishes before me.  The younger and inexperienced me would roll over to cuddle and say how amazing that was.  The older and more assertive me still wants to finish.  I now have no problem saying what I need and taking care of it myself (now that my partner can focus all of their attention on me!)

Basically, my point with all of this is that women, like men, deserve to orgasm every time they have sex, if they want.  It requires time, patience, communication and creativity for a lot of women and very understanding partners, but it can be awesome!

Talk about this with your friends.  I do all the time and I’ve gotten some incredible advice and I’ve been able to give advice as well.  It is absolutely not uncommon to have difficulty achieving orgasm with a partner, but again, with less taboo around the subject, we can all have healthier and happier sex lives.

Please, let me know if you want to know more about good positions, toys and ways to bring up the conversation regarding orgasms in the first place.  I’m here to help you

Yours,

Lisa

So, I was talking to a friend today about my experiences and he asked a lot of questions about how it all made me feel and truth be told, I feel different in every different scenario with every different partner.  When I am in long-term relationships, I am generally monogamous and I enjoy getting to know my partner.  When I’m single, I experience many different situations. I’ve been the third with other couples, I’ve brought other women in with men that I’m casually dating, I’ve dated people non-exclusively, I’ve dabbled here and there.  We were discussing this and he assumed that I was always poly-amorous, which is not the case.

He asked if I thought cheating was okay in relationships.  I explained that I think cheating is more of a mind frame than a physical act.  If you and your partner discuss being with other people and you’re both on board and excited about being with other people, then I don’t think it’s necessarily cheating.  If you don’t tell your partner what you’re doing and go off and have relations with other people behind their back, then yeah, that’s probably cheating.  Even if you tell them and they’re not totally okay with it, then they may still feel cheated on if you go and experience it anyway.

I honestly don’t know how I would feel if someone I loved told me they wanted to sleep with other people, because it hasn’t come up yet.  I think if we trusted each other and truly loved each other, then it might be fine.  I’ve been in relationships where I’ve considered what I would think if they asked me and it differs.  There are some relationships where I would feel badly about it and others where I trusted them enough to let them do their thing. It depends entirely on the relationship and how you feel towards that particular person. Again, as I always say, if it’s safe and consensual, then it’s okay.

My bottom line in the way that I feel is that 80 years ago, my only choice would have been to marry young, have kids and be happy with that person until I was dead. From what I’ve learned lately is that perceptions have changed, you can go on any path you choose, and people can experience every kind of relationship now.  So, why not experience all of them (if you’re comfortable with that) and see which one you actually do like the best?

There is no one or right way to be in a relationship these days, which is awesome!  Each couple (or group) has their own tendencies, leniencies, what they are comfortable with and what they want.  No one can say that a heterosexual, monogamous relationship is the only “right” way to be when there are so many other ways for people to be together.  Not saying there’s anything wrong with heterosexual, monogamous relationships, but it’s just that it’s not the only “acceptable” form of living your life anymore.  People can be who they are and want what they want and chances are, they’ll find people that share exactly the same view as them.  It’s a good time to be alive and experience everything you want to the fullest.

Enjoy, my friends, and know that you’re not alone 🙂

Hey folks, I just wanted to take a quick beat and talk about consent.  The word “no” is a word that is within everybody’s right to use.  Not just women, but everyone.  You can say no at any point in any sexual interaction.  Whether it be right off the bat, like if someone buys you a drink at a bar, you are totally within your right to say, “thanks, that’s sweet of you, I just want to be upfront, I don’t plan on sleeping with you, would you still like to buy me a drink?”  And if they say no, then whew, you dodged a bullet!  But you can also say no if you are already lying in bed with someone, even half naked, hell even if you’re already having sex, if it doesn’t feel right, you can always ask for it to stop.  For the purposes of this chat, this is the scenario I would like to focus on.

This is even true with spouses, not just casual encounters.  If you don’t feel appreciated, safe or comfortable, you can stop if you’d like.

Now, partners, when someone that you’re with says that they don’t want to have sex/they want to stop having sex, this is not your cue to get all butt-hurt.  Obviously, they like you enough to be conversing with you/making out with you/already having sex with you, this doesn’t mean that they automatically don’t like you now.  Be respectful, ask what’s wrong.   Maybe it was something that was said that made them uncomfortable, maybe something accidentally caused them physical pain, maybe they just plain old changed their mind.  The way that you take this news says a lot about your character.   Phrases like, “I was so close”, “You were leading me on”, “You’re sending me mixed signals” are huge asshole statements (in this case, every gender is capable of being an asshole, this does not apply to just men)

This all goes back to communication.  Be open with your partners.  If something is not right, please tell them and if your partner tells you that something is not right, please listen to them.  In both situations, partners want the best for their partners.  Work together to break down emotional barriers and learn what you both need and want in your romantic and sexual encounters.  If that’s not what you’re getting, then speak up!  Your partner wants whats best for you (at least I sure hope they do) and they won’t know unless you tell them straight-up, “I would like more eye contact with you”, “I don’t feel that we’re truly emotionally connecting”, “I feel that you’re being too aggressive”, “I don’t like when you do that one thing, I liked it the one night, but I don’t want it every single time”.

Be true to you, if it doesn’t feel right, don’t do it.  Hopefully your partner is mature enough to have a conversation with you on what it would take to make it better or to just say, “OK” and go back to cuddling and watching a movie.  It just needs to feel right.

 

So I’ve put up my first post and showed it to my friends and family, still waiting on anonymous questions and comments though!  It sparked a lot of interesting conversations I wouldn’t have normally had and people seem to be in agreeance with the state of our unfounded sexuality.  Like I’ve said before, seriously, it’s all okay!

If you think you’re weird for liking a certain thing or finding something sexy that is against the norm, congratulations, chances are you share this interest or “fetish” with thousands of other people.   Remember Rule 34 of the Internet:  If it exists, there is porn of it and a whole community dedicated to worshiping that particular thing.  I’ve always said that if you are sexually attracted to staplers, there is probably a porn site dedicated to it. I didn’t want to put some unproven facts on here, so I searched “sexy staplers” and “stapler porn” and guess what? There’s freaking stapler porn!   Though it’s slightly more gruesome than I had originally envisioned.  Perhaps I too am a tad naive.

The point is, you shouldn’t feel alone or weird when it comes to what you find sexy.  We are programmed to feel shame immediately after orgasm, and that is so detrimental to our emotional health.  You know what’s great for our physical, mental and emotional heath, though?  Orgasms!  There are many proven health benefits for men and women when it comes to orgasms.  The rush of endorphins, lower risk of prostate cancer, getting in touch with oneself, these are all good things!

What methods you use to achieve this goal (like my original post states, as long as it is safe and consensual), are just fine!  I know that our society has gotten carried away with porn and it can pose a risk to the way we interact with each other, and more so for the younger generation with the super saturation of sexuality, but we’ll save that for a later post.  For now, I want to help you get comfortable with you and with each other.  I believe that if the stigma regarding sexuality is lifted, then we will have a much better time expressing ourselves to each other and this negative social downturn regarding the way that we view porn in contrast with the way we view each other, could be remedied.

In going with being more comfortable with each other, I have to admit that my favourite part in a relationship is after the initial, “oh my god, sex is great, let’s do all the “regular stuff” because we’re not comfortable enough to explore with each other yet” phase is over.   After the first little while, it could be a couple of weeks, could be a couple of months, could even be the first time you have sex, it all depends on how well you and your partner communicate, but eventually we all go, “well, what now?”  This is the best part! Where you get to tell each other all (or some and save the rest for later) of your fantasies and you get to start doing the fun stuff.   I know that a lot of couples and some never got to this part and instead they hit the wall.  They never felt it was right to explore and it frustrated one or both parties, and sometimes this lead to them exploring outside of the relationship.   With one couple, she had a very particular fetish, she never told her husband and when someone else came along who willingly divulged that he was also into this particular thing, she went for him.  She never knew that if she told her husband of her fetish (which, of course, she did when it all came out after the fact ), that he would have been totally down to do this with her.

Again, with a dialogue and willingness to share in an open and positive space, things could have been better.  If it helps, she and the other guy broke it off and she’s now back with her husband; and from what she tells me, their sex life has taken off since they started really exploring together.  He loves her fetish and he had a few that she finds perfect as well.  Honestly, what is being in a relationship if you can’t fully be yourself and be completely open and honest with each other?  That’s where the fun lies, the real, unabashed, down and dirty you meets the equally real, different and willing them.  And then, magic!

Sometimes you can’t even get there if you don’t know yourself.  You need to find you first, and then you can introduce you to others.  However, sometimes it takes someone else to help you find the real you too.  It’s all incredible and there are no rules.  It can be fantastic if you just let it. Free yourself from the chains that have been brandished upon us from such a young age.  Explore your body, explore your mind.  Find what makes you tick and be proud of it, listen to your partners with openness and non-judgement, you never know, they may introduce you to your next favourite thing.

Until next time, leave your comments, email me questions, I’m still looking forward to opening up a full conversation with you!

Hello and welcome to my blog.  I’m Lisa, it’s a pleasure to meet you!

I have decided that the best way to start living my dream of removing the taboo around sexuality and levelling the playing field so that we can finally grow, evolve and prosper as a species is to just start writing.

First off, my philosophy regarding sex and sexuality is that as long as it’s safe and consensual (this also means legal with regards to age gaps), then it’s perfectly fine.  I’m pretty sure religion and shame threw us back thousands of years when it comes to our own bodies and the totally and completely natural acts we choose to perform with them.  Can you imagine where we would be if the church had instead said, feel free to love instead of to hide in shame and fear?  I believe that we are finally starting to get out of that funk and move forward in our cultural progression.

I think we are in the early stages of maturing sexually as a culture.  Perhaps we’re in the awkward teenage years, with things like dick pics, nudes being leaked on the internet and a general fascination with the naked human body.  With that being said though, we’re starting to stand up, rise above the previous cultural norms, you can see this in the ways that women are speaking out all over the world and the way that trans is creeping into normalcy and the ways that when you say, ‘my friend and his boyfriend’, you no longer have to stop and explain that they are gay.

I believe that we are heading towards a safer space, one where you can openly talk about sexuality, preferences, issues, problems and stumbling blocks.  Where it’s just as normal to tell someone that your arm hurts because you slept on it funny that night and them giving you some stretches to try out is just as normal as telling someone that you’re having difficulty reaching orgasm with your partner and them giving you some tips on how to work together better.  That is my dream, my goal even.  I’m here to help us all reach a better and heightened place.  Honestly, don’t the majority of the world’s problems come down to sexuality and oppression of sexuality?  What if just none of that mattered?

Seriously, think about it!  What if the media didn’t throw images we didn’t like in our faces?  What if women all over the world could wear what they wanted and not be raped, cat called or even killed?  What if things like stretch marks, cellulite and scars didn’t hold people back from feeling comfortable being naked?  What if we could all just be?

I’m here to start that conversation.  I’m not trying to say that everyone needs to be comfortable and okay with discussing matters of sexuality openly, that’s just how I feel.  I enjoy discussing matters of sex and sexuality and I find that when people finally open up and have a mature discussion with me, about facts and ideas, using words that would normally make them blush, that they feel better too.  People hide these facts from everyone, and they shouldn’t.  Even though it’s not the be all, end all, sex is a HUGE part of life, everyone does it and it’s pretty much the only reason we exist on this planet, to procreate.  So why can’t we enjoy it?  Why can’t it be a normal part of our conversation? Why can’t it, above all else, be respected?

 

I’ll be posting my rantings and answering questions periodically.  I am happy to open up to you and I hope that you feel that this is a safe space to open up to me.

Welcome, you’re finally home 🙂