So, I was talking to a friend today about my experiences and he asked a lot of questions about how it all made me feel and truth be told, I feel different in every different scenario with every different partner.  When I am in long-term relationships, I am generally monogamous and I enjoy getting to know my partner.  When I’m single, I experience many different situations. I’ve been the third with other couples, I’ve brought other women in with men that I’m casually dating, I’ve dated people non-exclusively, I’ve dabbled here and there.  We were discussing this and he assumed that I was always poly-amorous, which is not the case.

He asked if I thought cheating was okay in relationships.  I explained that I think cheating is more of a mind frame than a physical act.  If you and your partner discuss being with other people and you’re both on board and excited about being with other people, then I don’t think it’s necessarily cheating.  If you don’t tell your partner what you’re doing and go off and have relations with other people behind their back, then yeah, that’s probably cheating.  Even if you tell them and they’re not totally okay with it, then they may still feel cheated on if you go and experience it anyway.

I honestly don’t know how I would feel if someone I loved told me they wanted to sleep with other people, because it hasn’t come up yet.  I think if we trusted each other and truly loved each other, then it might be fine.  I’ve been in relationships where I’ve considered what I would think if they asked me and it differs.  There are some relationships where I would feel badly about it and others where I trusted them enough to let them do their thing. It depends entirely on the relationship and how you feel towards that particular person. Again, as I always say, if it’s safe and consensual, then it’s okay.

My bottom line in the way that I feel is that 80 years ago, my only choice would have been to marry young, have kids and be happy with that person until I was dead. From what I’ve learned lately is that perceptions have changed, you can go on any path you choose, and people can experience every kind of relationship now.  So, why not experience all of them (if you’re comfortable with that) and see which one you actually do like the best?

There is no one or right way to be in a relationship these days, which is awesome!  Each couple (or group) has their own tendencies, leniencies, what they are comfortable with and what they want.  No one can say that a heterosexual, monogamous relationship is the only “right” way to be when there are so many other ways for people to be together.  Not saying there’s anything wrong with heterosexual, monogamous relationships, but it’s just that it’s not the only “acceptable” form of living your life anymore.  People can be who they are and want what they want and chances are, they’ll find people that share exactly the same view as them.  It’s a good time to be alive and experience everything you want to the fullest.

Enjoy, my friends, and know that you’re not alone 🙂